The shul that I attend is not big, or flashy, or popular. It is not "The Scene", or even a scene. It's smaller than it probably should be, considering the ever-expanding frum demographic in my neighborhood. I often get labeled (or jokingly label myself) anti-social for going there while most of the people I know attend The Big Shul.
However, I have my reasons for going there. First of all, I like that it's not a scene. I can go there and daven and concentrate on my tefillot rather than on who's walking in or what the girls in front of me are wearing. There are a few people my age, but there are also older people and middle aged people and younger people and some kids running around. If I don't come to shul for a few weeks in a row (which happens fairly often, as I go away a lot), when I come back people will come up to me at kiddush and welcome me back and ask me how I've been. If I didn't go to The Big Shul for a year, no one would notice.
Another thing I really like about belonging to a small shul (yes, I pay membership dues!) is that each individual really has an opportunity to have an impact. For instance, this Shabbos, I was sort of on my way out after kiddush when I overheard a snatch of conversation - something about someone looking for sources of kosher cheeses and chocolate from various countries. Of course, they weren't asking for my personal input, but it happened to be that I knew of a source of chocolate from one of the countries they were seeking to get product from, so I piped up, "Oh, I know of a company that makes kosher chocolate in [insert country]! It's the Thus-and-Such Company, and it's under [the local, generally reliable Va'ad HaKashrus]."
All of a sudden, I find myself a part of an impromptu brainstorming session about a future event to be held at the shul in order to get the word out in the neighborhood about the shul, and possibly raise a little money as well. I introduce myself to the main character who seems to be involved in the planning - interestingly enough, someone else who is new to the shul - and she asks if I happen to be on the shul's Events Committee.
"Not yet," I answered.
"You are now!" she replied, and we shook hands on it. She said she'd get my number from the shul secretary and call me the next time they have an official meeting of the Events Committee. And just like that, I'm a full-fledged member of said committee and am fully involved in all of the planning of this event and other future events to be held at the shul. Wonderful!
I ended up staying at shul at least twenty minutes longer than I had originally intended to, but I left feeling excited and exhilarated. Where else could that happen, that by chance I could put in my two cents and end up on the Events Committee? I'd get swallowed up in a larger shul. Maybe others like the commotion, the "scene". I like my small, homey shul, where I can make a difference. :)
Sunday, December 07, 2008
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10 comments:
Such a good take on it- belonging to a small, cohesive and close knit shul does have major advantages.
I had slightly the opposite problem- I attended the big shul in my neighborhood for a long time, and then decided to switch. Unfortunately, the close-knit shul was so close-knit that I still felt like an outsider.
Any advice on how to break in?
:)
If you feel like an outsider bring food if your a guy bring a nice scotch or wine that gets peoples attention
nmf#7 - honestly, it's hard for me to say, because both the shul in my hometown and the shul I belong to now are very welcoming to newcomers. That was something else I forgot to mention I like about my shul. It's small, but it's not cliquey. Have you tried going up to people and introducing yourself, asking them about themselves, how long they've been involved with the shul, things like that?
Ezzie - glad you liked.
JB - maybe that works where you live, but I wouldn't give that as across the board advice.
nmf #7 -- It may just take time until you become part of the dynamic. Keep up the friendly overtures and eventually they will realize you are one of them.
Bas~Melech, Scraps- I've tried for about 2 years...never seemed to really break in. I gave up eventually. Now I'm having the same problem in my new shul.
Jewish Blogmeister- I'm a girl- it says it on my profile.
love small shuls.
'cept those that have non-stop shmoozers...
:(
Two posts in two weeks? She's ba-ack!!! ???
Scraps - you're not antisocial. Antisocial is me, who has been going to the same small and shrinking shul for 8 years and still doesn't know half the attendees names.
Nicely said.
[sigh] I miss shul.
But perhaps my sanity and sense of well-being are more important...
nmf#7 - I'm sorry you didn't have a good experience with the small shul you tried out. I would hope that was atypical; most small shuls I've been to are very friendly.
dreamer - I don't like shmoozers either. In my hometown shul, the rabbi worked very hard to cut down on talking in shul. And b"H there's not too much shmoozing in the shul where I go now, too. They save it for kiddush. :)
bad4 - okay, you win.
corner point - what does one have to do with the other? Going to shul makes you crazy? :(
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